Uploaded on April 28, 2025
Last modified on April 28, 2025
'What kind of person should I be?' - this is a question I often ask myself. For the best people and most admired are often those of great character/virtue. Undoubtedly, the answers to those questions must be lived and embodied, to the best of one's ability.
Why should one carry out one's actions? Or more personally, what kind of person should I be? This is a question that I often ask myself - to what principles do I adhere to or aim for? I have realized that the best people, not in terms of 'success' but in terms of character, often have these figured out. Likewise, the level to which they are respected also seem to be related to the quality of their answers to these questions of 'ethics', and also to their ability to live/embody those out.
So, what kind of person do I want to be? God-willing, I hope that I may be a person of honesty, integrity, and hard work.
... to examine just one of those truths, the articulation of which occurs over and again in the Great Western intellectual tradition. It's accessed typically by a means of a question, not the question of what we are to do - as important as that is - but rather 'what kind of person we ought to be'.
Bp. Robert Barron, at the 171st Commencement Ceremony of Hillsdale College.
My father is an honest man. He is an unassuming and simple person; working 9-to-5, doing the necessary with minimum fuss, and without need for attention. In his dealings in work and with people, and I believe to the best of his ability, he deals with fairness and truth. He models honesty, something which my younger self did not understand, but that I now admire so much.
How could he go about in quiet diligence? I think it was because he is honest with himself. He knows what he is and accepted what was given to him - both the pleasant and unpleasant. In doing so, he need not pretend that he is something else, freeing him to act simply and diligently.
How could he deal with fairness? I think it was because he is honest with others. He knows what he could offer, and what worth the work of his hands could bring to others. Coupled with the confines of his good conscience, he would not ask for anything more than he could offer. This freed him to deal with fairness and in good trust.
I hope that I can emulate such honesty.
So much can be said about the hyper-connected, transactional digital age; where much is done to be seen, as evidenced by the nature of Social Media platforms, and much is lived to gain from the other. And no doubt, I too get caught up in these 'I scratch your back, you scratch mine' patterns of living.
I do not intend to debate the good and bad of this matter, but would like to pose a separate question: how should I act/work when there is no one watching, and where there isn't anything to be gained? Can I pay attention to the most minute details, producing high-quality work regardless of whether I would be seen or evaluated? Will I stick to my principles when presented with justly/legally-earned but dishonest gain? Could I seek the good, true, and beautiful as an end in themselves, even when there is nothing to be gained through them?
A person capable of embodying the answer to those questions, is a person of integrity.
I hope that I can be such a person, whole and complete.
integrity (noun): the quality of being whole and complete
Cambridge Dictionary, on the meaning of integrity.
I believe that there is intrinsic value in hard work. It has helped me through days of melancholy, and kept my feet on the ground during times of cheer. It goes without saying that hard work can be unpleasant and difficult at times. However, the joy of pursuing a difficult goal, the effort and responsibility needed to achieve it, and the goodness in perseverance all speak to me about the quiet heroism and meaning intrinsic to hard work.
Such a value and meaning I hope to obtain, as I discipline myself in becoming a hard-working person.
"Joshua, you say all these good sounding abstract stuff but what do they mean to you anyways?"
Well, let's look at it practically then, and what they mean to me. Simply put, based on these virtues, I aim to become a competent person. Also, given the space, I try to give as much time and effort necessary to solving the problems laid before me. Now that doesn't mean I will solve them nor does it mean that my best will be enough, but it means you know full well that I'll give my best and a solid crack at them.
A recent hero of mine, David Heinemeier Hansson (DHH, the creator of Ruby on Rails and co-owner of 37 signals, among much more) said the following in an interview which has stuck with me ever since.
If you approach this as like competence is important; understanding is important; pulling the thread is important; sometimes struggling a bit is important; these are skills you take forward and they just make everything better, they make everything faster, they make everything more fun.
It is just more fun to be competent.DHH, on the Top Shelf Podcast in 2024.
"It is just more fun to be competent". Nothing more needs to be said. As much as I am able to do so, I try to aim for competence which means choosing the difficult things. For example, slogging through documentation to learn; not relying on/using AI tools; striving for understanding above and beyond productivity; and so on. Because it is persevering through the difficult things that brings about competence, which grants dignity to one's work.
On a similar note, Michael Paulson (better known as ThePrimeagen, former Netflix engineer) speaking on 'Developer Excellence', states that with such a mindset you can then take a chance on yourself.
When something is super difficult - say Groovy, a language you never worked on, and a tech-stack you never worked on, being the youngest person out of everybody on your team - like when all the odds are against and you're not Gauss-smart, ... that if I just had time and determination, I can achieve anything.
Michael Paulson (aka ThePrimagen), at the Laracon US 2024 (Dallas, TX)
This too I deeply agree with and know, albeit within my limited experiences. That given the space and trust, putting in the time, effort, and determination into the difficult things can bear fruit in many ways and prove to be very meaningful. It is with this frame of mind that I try to approach all the things that I have done and that are yet to befall me.
But there is a fundamental problem.
In order to be honest, hard-working, and have integrity, one needs humility.
To put it in other words, the measure of one's virtue, depends on the measure to which
they are humble.
And I confess that this is what I truly lack. For I have this tendency to incurvatus in se (to turn/curve in on myself). I often look to my own 'success' instead of that of others, and as I write this piece about myself, ironically I feel this tendency bubbling up inside.
I have had numerous experiences: highs and lows, pleasant and unpleasant - but all tainted by this incurvatus in se. For example, crying in the bus on the way back from a wonderful academic conference because I couldn't 'show the best of myself'. Or not being grateful for opportunities, ones that are hard to come by, because I felt like I 'deserved' them and that it was 'about time'.
This is the story of my life I believe, from past to present, and present to future, that in all things, this is a journey in search of humility.
Do not imagine that if you meet a really humble man he will be what most people call ‘humble’ nowadays: he will not be a sort of greasy, smarmy person, who is always telling you that, of course, he is nobody. Probably all you will think about him is that he seemed a cheerful, intelligent chap who took a real interest in what you said to him. If you do dislike him it will be because you feel a little envious of anyone who seems to enjoy life so easily. He will not be thinking about humility: he will not be thinking about himself at all.
C.S. Lewis - author of 'The Chronicles of Narnia' and 'The Space Trilogy'